Leveraging the 5 Love Languages to Build Trust with Patients

There’s a new primary care delivery model on the block, and not only does it address many of the current challenges in healthcare, like medical waste (which tops $1B annually) and lack of access to care for the nation’s most vulnerable, but it also changes patients’ health outcomes—and their lives—for the better.

Among the many evidence-based benefits of value-based care is patients’ renewed trust in their doctors which results in better patient adherence and a significant reduction in hospital visits and readmissions. In other words, patients and doctors alike under the value-based care model are happier and healthier.

Some other benefits of value-based care include:

• Cost reduction
• Higher patient satisfaction
• Less medical errors
• Fully-coordinated patient care
• Happier, more fulfilled physicians and clinical care teams

One of the first steps for a doctor pivoting from fee-for-service to value-based care is a significant reduction in the number of patients on their roster. The fully capitated model—which allows doctors to assume all financial risk for the patients on their roster—enables doctors to spend more quality time with patients, build meaningful relationships, and educate patients on the importance of lifestyle choices on their health.

Such conversations in the fee-for-service world would exceed the limited time doctors have to spend in the exam room due to an overbooked schedule. Further, because doctors are paid for ordering tests and procedures, meaningful conversations about diet and exercise's importance—which are not incentivized—do not often occur.

The History of Value-Based Care

Fully capitated value-based care is not new—in fact, it began long ago, in 1967. The American Academy of Pediatrics developed value-based care for sick children who were seeing a higher volume of specialists and warranted more specialized care coordination. The evidence-based model for improving public health came to a halt following the introduction of HMOs in the 1980s and 1990s.

Today, doctors are increasingly burnt out at work and feel their autonomy has been stripped. The traditional fee-for-service model—which staked its claim on healthcare and is still a staple in most systems today—leaves important decisions for treating patients in the hands of insurance companies and other third parties instead of in the hands of skilled, credentialed doctors where it belongs.

As value-based care continues to turn the tide in medicine, it’s important to ride the wave of momentum and conceptualize new ways to personalize primary care and make patients—many of whom feel overlooked and forgotten by the healthcare system—feel seen and accepted.

The Five Love Languages in Healthcare

The Five Love Languages is a book by Gary Chapman written in the early 1990s that highlights five ways romantic partners best feel and give love. The five love languages are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. The key to a flourishing relationship, according to the author, is identifying which language your partner speaks and becoming fluent in it.

This isn’t just speculation: a 2022 study suggests that couples’ relationship satisfaction is, in fact, closely associated with whether their partner uses their preferred love language.

While patient-doctor relationships are not romantic in nature, patient adherence and health outcomes hinge largely on their doctor’s ability to build connection, trust, and mutual respect. Just as two romantic partners do not share the same love language—one person may value acts of service while their partner feels most loved being showered with gifts, for example—neither does every patient. Personalizing care means understanding what makes each individual patient feel cared for and appreciated.

Dr. Faisel Syed and Dr. Dan McCarter—host and co-host of ChenMed’s Faisel and Friends podcast that discusses the state of healthcare in America today—discuss the benefits of doctors beginning to learn their patients’ love languages to achieve better outcomes and build trust.

Dr. Syed recounts a patient experience that left a lasting impression on him and the way he shows up for patients. The patient was floored that her primary care doctor was able to—on the spot—address a health concern she believed she would need to see multiple specialists for. The patient said, “I thought I would need to go to an orthopedic surgeon who would find me [another specialist] who specialized in hand surgery to be able to do this injection. I didn't know that primary care doctors still do this stuff. When I was younger, they did everything.”

Reflecting on the exchange, he says, “It can be done by the primary care doctor and should be—if the primary care doctor is working in a system where they have the time and incentive to.” Dr. Syed then recalls how trust was built through the exchange, not just from his performing the procedure she believed she’d need multiple specialists to treat, but everything that occurred before and after.

“It's one thing about the [procedure] itself, but it's something else in primary care—perhaps my training in family medicine—it wasn't just the procedure and [that’s it,] we’re done. It was helping her with her dressing, walking her out, calling her that night, making sure everything was ok. It’s the little things we do, like giving her my cell phone number. The doctor and patient both have an ore on the rowboat. If the relationship is complicated, you won’t row forward. You’re going to go in circles. You want to always contribute to the relationship. But I don't think I should ever feel comfortable with that trust. It’s like any other relationship—you never want to get comfortable.”

Through the exchange, he determined that her love language was acts of service, which emphasizes doing activities that make life easier or more enjoyable for the other person.

How to Determine Your Patient’s Love Language

Knowing what makes your patient feel most cared for and appreciated can do volumes for your relationship and improve their health, but assessing their love language during a short visit can be challenging. It may take some time and relationship building to truly identify their love language. Here are some thoughts to consider when determining your patients’ love language:

• How they show care, concern, or affection: Do they use words to compliment you? Are they a hugger? Do they bring you a gift when they see you? These are all telling ways to discover which of the five love language most applies to them.
• The language they use: Most communication is nonverbal, so picking up on subtle cues and body language can be very telling.
• Seeing positive changes in facial expression or body language when giving them compliments could indicate a words-of-affirmation love language.
• Read the book, The Five Love Languages. It may lend more insight into your patients' personality styles and love languages and enrich your relationships outside of the exam room.
• When picking up on the subtle hints proves too difficult, you can ask them directly what makes them feel most cared for, respected, and seen.

Listen to the full episode of Faisel & Friends, where we discuss honoring each patient’s individual life experience, personalizing communication techniques, and earning our patients’ trust. Faisel and Friends is a primary care podcast that discusses the state of healthcare in America. Subscribe now to receive the latest episodes!